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Some have said it is the only food. I’ll just get this out of the way right now, and that is that I’m drinking as I write this. Drinking Negra Modelo, which to be honest is one of three North American beers I actually enjoy drinking.

In England and Belgium, beer is like wine; but here in the states its like camel piss.

Modelo is a Mexican beer, Negra Modelo (meaning Black Model) is usually the beer I offer to my friends who come over from Europe. There they will stand in front of the beer section at the Bodega not knowing what to grab and it always pains me when I see them reach for a Bud, since its only thing they recognize.

Here are some fun facts for you… Budweiser owns half of Modelo, but Budweiser itself was acquired by InBev back in 2008. InBev is also known as Stella Artois, which in England is what my British friends refer to as “wife beater“. Modelo also owns Corona. Just last June InBev decided to pay an additional $20 billion in cash for the remaining %50 stake in Modelo. So InBev, a Belgium institution now owns Stella, Bud, Corona and Modelo (and I’m sure plenty more). But those are the biggest names globally in terms of beer all under the umbrella of one corporation.

Not that I give too much of a shit, I honestly was more upset when Nestle bought Cadbury… fucking crimes against humanity right there. But I’m drifting here, must be the beer…(focus J, fucking focus).

Negra Modelo is the only beer that I honestly find refreshing. Like it quenches my thirst just as good as water. No other beer does that, and I am not sure if that means that I have a problem. However I know it goes great with food, but is it food?

The other day I had a nice spread of Chaubier cheese, fig spread, kalamata olives, and imported olive oil with balsamic to dip a baguette in. Every sip of Modelo cleansed the palette perfectly, which leads me to believe it IS a food. During a debate last week on whether or not beer was food, I argued if beer was food, then so were cigarettes. Then we came to the agreement that in order for it to be food, it has to pass thru your colon.

So if beer is food, what food group does it belong to? What were the “groups” again? There’s dairy, meat, fruit & vegi, and bread… or the group that bread belongs to. I guess if its made with wheat and barley, then it belongs to the bread group. So then I guess that would mean that wine being made from grapes would belong to the fruit & vegi group. Tequila being made from the Agave cactus would make it fruit & veg as well.

So if you go out and drink Tequila (or if you’re like me..Mezcal) and chase it with beer, you have arguably knocked out 2 food groups already. I guess for meat and dairy you can grab yourself a burrito or soemthing.

Man if only I had known this as a child. When my parents tried to make me eat canned spinach under the pretext of health, I could have argued that under the same pretext, Chianti would have been a suitable alternative.

So under my current flawless logic: beer and shots, served with steak and cheese cake make up a healthy well-balanced and completely fucking awesome if-I-may-say-so meal.